sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
