Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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