He disabled his match.com account in front of me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you will always have a special place in my vag
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
