i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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