i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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