i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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