Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
a search helicopter?!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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