i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
