; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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