When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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