I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
its liver damage thursday
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
