My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
