Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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