This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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