I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
