I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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