This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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