No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Shame is for Republicans.
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