I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
