I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
