I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
