So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
