I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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