I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
