He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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