Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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