It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I can't put those talents on a resume
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
