wakey wakey hands off snakey
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
