PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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