Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
