hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
