even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
