dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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