oh god the rape fog is back!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
