We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
