Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My friends, they love my intelligence
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
