he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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