Well douche your snatch and let's go!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
