Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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