recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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