Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
