apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
