Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
