is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
