I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
