I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
