Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize