Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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