im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
