I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
