how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
