I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just cut my nipple shaving
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
