Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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