I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
