if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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