My nipple is on Facebook.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
