He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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