I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
