the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
