We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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