tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
