Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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