If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
