thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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