i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize