His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My cat gives me a boner
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
