Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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