apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
