Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
