she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize