i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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