so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
