Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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