NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
