I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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